Remember all those midnight bookstore openings every time a Harry Potter book came out?

Apparently lots of drunk people kept walking past on the street and making fun of them, so they started retalliating by pointing and shouting "Expelliarmus", amongst other spells, at them.

Here's the thing.

I don't know what I want most of the time. I go from day to day, talking on the phone, going for drinks and coffee, skimming the surface of things. Sometimes I get home at night and I just think that none of it's real, that my whole life is nonsense, and I'll never know what it's like to live a happy life, because I don't even /have/ a life.

More than anything, I want to travel to India, Fiji, Bali, Oz, /everywhere/, but I'm too damn scared to go (alone). I want to escape - wander around markets in marrakech, snorkel in the barrier reef, eat sushi in japan, everything, but I'm too much of a wimp to do any of it by myself. I'm even more scared that I'll never /live/, but I don't know how to change it.

I hate WAITING.

I'm the most impatient person in the world, I even hate cooking things in the oven because I have to just leave it and wait. I think it takes about twice the time to cook because I let all the heat out by checking it every two minutes.

I hate waiting for the bus, and I hate that I have a driving licence now, and the lessons have left me so broke that I can't afford an effing car.

I hate myself for wanting to see the sex and the city film. Makes me feel like such a girl (I'm not sure why that's a bad thing, but it is).

I hate the stress of selling my flat. Every time I get dressed, cook, or have a shower, it takes about half an hour to tidy up the mess I made in the process.

I hate that I keep going back to my fridge for just a little nibble of cheese - it'll all be gone by the end of the night.

I hate that I bought a rubik's cube on ebay and i) I can't do it, and ii) after half an hour, all the squares have faded and it looks grubby.

Damn.

Will be a better day. I'm going to attempt to eat properly (no mean feat). I've already had a bowl of special k, and from now on I'm just going to eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I'm full - sounds pretty easy, eh? I'll do a bit of hula hooping before I head out too, fun fun : )

I'm also going to do some actual, real revision for my exams, tidy up, do all my clothes washing and do the washing up. Hopefully James will have booked the holiday by the end of the day, and that'll be one less thing to worry about. 

I'll be out of bed by 12, and I'll keep busy : )

How the friends list on here includes me, just so I don't feel too lonely : )

Involves:
Checking every email account I've had since I was 12
Playing multi eight
Trying on old clothes
Making silly lists

I really need to stop this and get on with some work : (

Last month was the hardest month of university so far. I had to do a presentation on AIDS (that's a maths degree for you, eh?), and had a few assignments to do too. I have most of the marks back now and I did a lot better than earlier in the year, should hopefully be able to scrape 1s for my modules this time round.

My birthday was late April, but my boyfriend (lets call him James) didn't come up from England til early May to celebrate. My present was a holiday - still to be booked : )

Over the last few weeks I've been seeing estate agents who will hopefully get a nice price for my flat, took ages to get it so tidy. If it looked like this all the time I doubt I'd want to move out!

Today I'm going to do some studying, and James is hopefully going to book us a nice little holiday : )

So, this is the first entry in the journal that nobody with a life will ever read.

I'll tell you a bit about myself, in list form. I am:

23
A maths student
Dating the best/most forgetful man in the country
Planning to travel the world this summer (well, if you can call five countries "the world")
In the middle of selling a flat that has been the bain(bane?) of my life for the last 2 years
Normally a good speller
A new driver with no car
About to go into 4th year of university
Going to move back into uni halls in September.